My Shadow

It took me awhile to figure it out, not sure exactly what she was doing, just being her usual, unique self. Susanna would make sure she put on winter gloves before going outside to play. She would pick dandilions and "plant" them in the soil after digging around. She would pick grass and throw it away. She would put on a mitt and start wiping at everything in the house. She'd lug her toy vacuum cleaner upstairs and push it around in front of me when I was trying to get things cleaned up. She'd get underfoot with her play mop and broom. She'd mess up her hair (and sometimes mine) dragging a brush through it backwards. I'd laugh at her when she'd put clippies all over her head, getting maybe a strand or two in them. It would annoy me when she'd take a cloth and push crumbs and other junk all over the table, on to the floor. I'd freak out when she'd take a long, semi-pointy toy and swipe it sideways along her eye...DON'T POKE YOUR EYE OUT!!! I'd look at her and wonder if she was crazy at times. I'd ask her what in the world she was doing. Then I realized something. She was just imitating whatever I was doing at the time. Okay, I wasn't wearing winter gloves, but I was wearing gardening gloves. I wasn't replanting dandilions, but I was taking plants out of containers then putting them in the ground. I was weeding along the edges of my flower beds. I was dusting the house. I was vaccuming, sweeping, and mopping. I was brushing my hair, putting on make up. I guess I was the crazy one, not realizing my daughter was imitating me in everything I did.

I laugh when Luke copies Tony to a "T" in everything he does, right next to him while he's pounding nails, out in the garden with him while he's trying to plant, weed, pick, whatever. There are times Luke cries and is inconsolable when Daddy goes to the farm to work without him.

It made me realize how much responsibility Tony and I have in everything we do, even when we don't realize what we're doing. There are two little people watching and copying our every move (well, most of the time!). It reminded me of a song that always brings tears to my eyes when listening to it...an older song by a now-defunct Christian group called Halo. The song, from Heaven Calling and written by Scott Springer, is called "My Buddy."

Pointing in endless directions, looking lost as a pup,

Reaching out for my hand, falling, then getting up,

Tugging on my trousers, crying for his way

My little boy is growing, he looked like me today.

He looked like me today.

My buddy sees me living, my buddy sees me fall,

My buddy is a mirror, hanging on the wall.

My buddy sees me silent, my buddy hears me talk

And my buddy will see Jesus, if in His life I walk.

Mocking all my motions, he learns how to live,

Walking in my footsteps, hearing advice I give

Sometimes I sit and wonder, just where with him I stand,

A tear comes as I realize, his life is in my hands.

His life is in my hands.

My buddy sees me living, my buddy sees me fall,
My buddy is a mirror, hanging on the wall.
My buddy sees me silent, my buddy hears me talk
And my buddy will see Jesus, if in His life I walk.

Now he's getting older, as he kneels to pray,

He says, "God bless all your children," and then I hear him say,

He says, "Jesus, I love you, and for Your love I'm glad,

But there's just one thing I want to be, is just like my dad."

My buddy sees me living, my buddy sees me fall,
My buddy is a mirror, hanging on the wall.
My buddy sees me silent, my buddy hears me talk
And my buddy will see Jesus, if in His life I walk.

=============

As parents, we have such a great responsibility, and I know that on my own I cannot do it. I passed a lady today at the grocery store who was clearly getting frustrated with her little boy who was pushing a mini-cart and trying to put everything he saw in it...and I commented in passing, "it's a good exercise in learning patience, isn't it?" And she smiled back, her mood lightened, as we realized we share a common bond of motherhood....and teaching our children to do things on their own, often (usually!) at the expense of falling behind in our schedules while our little ones struggle valiantly to do things "myself!" But I feel just as much pride, maybe even more, than they do when they finally accomplish the little things that add up to so much. So what if my kids go around town in clothes that are backwards, inside out, and occasionally (somehow!) upside down? They dress themselves and have the satisfaction of knowing they CAN do it!

But along with the day to day things, they are also learning spiritual things from the actions Tony and I do. I love when Susanna goes around the house making up songs and singing "My God is biggest! He is the best! He is greatest! and I love Him!" Or Luke launches in to one of his prayers thanking God for everything in eye sight and even things that are just imagined. They sometimes sit for up to half an hour just paging through their Bibles as they "read" to themselves from God's Word. And they often don't hesitate confront others when someone is not being kind (Be kind, that makes God happy!).

And yet I sometimes cringe at what comes from their mouth -- not filthy language, but things like, "not now, Susanna, I don't have time for you right now." Or "You're pushing my buttons!"

Raising children isn't easy. But with lots of patience and even more prayer, it is soooo rewarding!

Photo by Carla