My Literal Kid and My Slave

Last Saturday, I stopped at a grocery store I usually don't shop at -- they have great brats, all beef hot dogs, and bacon that they do there at the store....so I stocked up for the freezer. When I got home, I asked Susanna to take the bacon out of the bag and put it in the freezer. Susi tends to get distracted often, so I didn't think much of it when it took over ten minutes to complete this simple little task.

Fast forward to Thursday morning. We're at breakfast, enjoying a slow starting morning -- I didn't have to be at the market or any where else; we were having "the cousins" over for supper; and the only thing I had to work on that day was a pretty long list of general house hold chores, some Watkins business things, and lots of laundry. Luke, being a typical boy, discovered that if he wets his lips, puts his mouth against the heels of his hands, and blows hard, it sounds like, well, a natural occurring bodily function. Much to his delight.

"hey mom! hear what this sounds like? A STINKY TOOT! Isn't that cool?"

Inside, I'm cracking up. I'm thinking back years ago to arm pit farts, burping contests, flipped up eyelids, and all other manner of inappropriate and hilarious childhood fun (or grown up fun, depending on the company you spend time with). Outside, I carefully maintained my mother face, asking "but Luke, do you think it's appropriate and polite behavior?" (This, as his sister is sticking her face in her plate and licking every last drop of syrup left over from the two pieces of French toast she devoured in a non-lady-like manner in less than five minutes.)

Eyes dart all over, except to my face. A grin surfaces. A quick glance at Mama then eyes zoom else where. Finally, the answer: 'Well, Mama, at this moment (yes, he actually said that), it, um, well, uh, hm. I don't know."

Boys.

I never did laugh in front of him, or crack a smile. I didn't want "those noises" made all day long!

So after breakfast, it was off to working down the chore list. I headed upstairs and stared with dismay at the kids' room....how did it get so messy and why did it smell so bad? Okay, I know why it smelled so bad, but anyway.....I set them to cleaning up while I headed into the upstairs living room. After they cleaned their room, we headed to the steps and foyer...where they continued to tidy things up along with me. Then downstairs...the biggest job area. As I cleaned the kitchen counters, I handed them each one of Watkins great new microfiber clothes (only $5.99...check it out! http://www.watkinsonline.com/productdetail.cfm?Product=27000&gCatalogLocale=USA&ECredit=367574) and had them start wiping down cupboard doors, kitchen drawers, and cabinets before sending them out to match socks in the sock basket.

Luke finally threw down his cloth in disgust and said, "you really hate us. You just make me slave around ALL DAY! My job is to PLAY, not work!" It startled him when I quickly agreed. "Yep, you're right. I hate you. I never cook for you, never make you treats, never give you cookies, never play with you, never let you have any fun, never let you play with the cousins. All I do is work you nonstop, every day." My son. He loves me. He quickly rose to my defense, this boy who had just accused me of being a slave-master, just like the Egyptians (yeah, he compared me to them!). "No, Mama, you really do love me! You're always doing that good stuff!" And he shut his face and finished wiping things down and matched all the socks he could find.

Meanwhile, I opened the freezer, I don't even remember why now. Much to my shock, there were two rashers of bacon, just sitting there, unwrapped, right on top of everything. "What is this bacon doing here, and why isn't it wrapped up???!!!!" and a tiny little voice piped up, "but Mama, you told me to take it out of the bag....."

Sigh. Maybe that's why she puts a little shimmy in her step when I tell them "let's get shaking!"